She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
