i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
