You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
