it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
