How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
