You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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