He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
