Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
