Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
