Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
