Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
