he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
