Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
