I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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