my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
These tits shall not be calmed
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
