so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i think my mom watched the whole time
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
