i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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