It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
