So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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