the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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