and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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