its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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