my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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