i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
