saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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