WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
