my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
