stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
