Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
