Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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