Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
