I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's shark week go big or go home
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
