I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up under a house in Key West
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