Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Go christen that room with your naked body.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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