found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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