cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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