she was so not down for the gang bang
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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