I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
