I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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