i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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