she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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