i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
