In the future we'll all be gay
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
