So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
