Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
