eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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