and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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