By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
