i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
