I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
