Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
