Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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