Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
