Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
