You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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