hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
