i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
